I didn't have another chance because while I was still here in the States, she passed on to eternity.

I was close to her. Though she knew that I was not perfect, she always told people that I was a good kid. She accepted me: unconditionally. But I never had the chance to tell her how much I appreciated her.

I didn't have the chance to tell her I was sorry for refusing to eat the burnt rice that she cooked one time. I didn't have the chance to apologize for angrily stomping on the crackers she gave me. I didn't have the chance to thank her for taking care of me while I was growing up. I didn't have the chance to tell her "I love you".

She was my grandmother.

As I continue with my mid-life evaluation that started a couple of years ago, together with the short stays between Hong Kong and San Francisco as I travel back and forth, I am realizing that life is too short to keep saying "I'll do it tomorrow", or "I'll do it when ...."

It seems that ever since I became aware of the attraction of the woman kind, most of the time, I have craned my neck to wait for my ship to come in, thinking that real living starts only after marriage, little realizing that I am already travelling on the jetboat named Time, speeding toward my face-to-face appointment with One-And-Only, God of the universe.

A famous Hong Kong movie director said in a talk show once that he had been telling people this about his view of his success: "You guys are trying so hard to climb up this mountain! Don't! There is nothing at the top here but rubbles." But they wouldn't listen. "Of course you are saying that, you are there already!" They would argue, and keep climbing.

A story goes like this: Once upon a time, there was a rich investor. He managed to buy low and sell high, and tripled his investments in one year. He thought, "The stock market will soon dip. And if I put my money in the bank, inflation will eat it up. The real estate scene is not looking good either. I have nowhere to put my money.

"I know what I'll do, I'll add another extension to my house for a bigger garage and buy a few more antique cars to put in it. Then I'll cut a deal with the diamond dealer and get a nice stock to put in the safe deposit box. Then I will say to myself, 'Self, you have lots of good stuff laid up for years to come. Take life easy, and have a good time - after all the Bible says so: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you die!' "

But God said to him, "You fool! Tomorrow? you are meeting me in my office tonight." (see Lk 12:16ff, Is 22:13)

Life on earth is temporal. We men often try to find fulfilment in doing and achieving things, sometimes even noble and "spiritual" undertakings, while neglecting responsibilities that God has entrusted us. We must look at the right priority list as we live. After all, when it is time to turn in the final Profit and Loss report to the real Boss, it will be terrible to have to say, "I know you told me to do that. And I was just getting around to it, then you called me in for the report! I thought the deadline was not till..."

("My First Kiss" Sept 1995)